A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Another Chance - Joke
One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.
Yell for Help - Joke
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."
Magic Mirror - Joke
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
More Blonde Q&A - Joke
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Passed Away - Joke
Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax."
Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.
He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?"
Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax."
Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.
He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?"
Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"
Cutting Pizza - Joke
A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
Blonde Cops - Joke
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
3 People in a Airplane - Joke
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
NASA Experiment - Joke
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
Alligator Shoes - Joke
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Blonde going to Electronic Store - Joke
A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, "Can I buy that TV"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because your a blonde."
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Your a blonde."
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"You're a blonde"
"How can you tell I'm a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!"
"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because your a blonde."
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Your a blonde."
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"You're a blonde"
"How can you tell I'm a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!"
"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"
Blonde Praying for Help from God - Joke
There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"
Blonde Found a Dead Rabbit - Joke
This blonde was driving home one day on the highway when suddenly she saw a dead rabbit. She put on her brakes and screeched to a stop. Behind her were tons of other cars. She got out of her car and began asking all the people behind her if they had a can of hairspray. One person asked her why she had stopped and why she needed hairspray. The blonde told him to come to the front of her car. So he went to the front and saw a dead rabbit laying there. The person gave her a can of hairspray. The blonde replied, "Thank you." And the guy said, "Why do you need the hairspray?" The blonde sprayed it all over the rabbit and said, "The bottle says it revives dead hairs."
Blonde Riding a Horse - Joke
One day this blonde is riding a horse. As they are trotting along the blond decides she wants to go faster and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. All of a sudden she starts to slip so she grabs the horses mane. But even though she has hold of the mane she was still slipping. so she decided the best thing to do was to not fall off by putting her foot in the saddle. So she's riding along hanging from her foot, with her head banging on the ground, almost near death when the K Mart guy comes over and turns of the horse.
Three Doors - Joke
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Blonde Asking the Time - Joke
BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."
Hello UFO - Joke
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.
Taming the Lion - Joke
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"
"No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way."
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"
"No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way."
Horrific Accident - Joke
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Catching the Blonde - Joke
This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying
"If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign
"If I catch you, you're mine."
"If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign
"If I catch you, you're mine."
The Circle - Joke
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
Breaking Out Of Jail - Joke
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said,
"Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"
The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"
So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.
So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."
"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."
"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"
"Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"
The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"
So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.
So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."
"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."
"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"
Suicide - Joke
A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
Blonde Logic - Joke
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
Ventriloquist - Joke
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
Ice Fishing - Joke
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
3 People in a Airplane - Joke
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
One Blonde To Another - Joke
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
Blonde Painting the House - Joke
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS
Pull over - Joke
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
Blonde Guy - Joke
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Light bulb - Blonde JOkes
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: "What's a light bulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daddy!"
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? - Blonde JOkes
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with
her pencil.
It’s a microwave - Blonde JOkes
A blonde went to electronic store and she asked, "How much is is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the
TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the
TV was. He said, "Sorry we don’t sell to blondes."
She replied, “I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I
am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it’s a microwave."
A Blonde with Earrings - Blonde JOkes
Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.
A Blonde's Brain At Work - Blonde JOkes
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female
boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never
know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets
some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home
to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of
the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
Blonde, the Beach, and...Beer - Blonde JOkes
Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.
First experience horse riding - Blonde JOkes
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
The top is down - Joke
Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
What's a 15? - Joke
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
Look at the dead bird - Joke
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"
Slot machine winner - Joke
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
New prefix - Joke
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
A Flaky Blonde - Joke
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really
stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!
Blond and the patrolman - Joke
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
Fallen bridge - Joke
A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.
The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.
She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.
He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.
She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.
He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"
trying to win a Nobel Peace prize - Joke
A blonde lived on a farm. He didn't get many visitors, so I went to see him...when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he was trying to win a Nobel Peace prize.
I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock?"
He replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Nobel Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field."
I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock?"
He replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Nobel Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field."
Want me to paint for you? - Joke
A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.
"I'm here for the paint job," she said.
"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."
The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.
After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW.
"I'm here for the paint job," she said.
"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."
The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.
After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW.
Blondes Roofing a House - Joke
Two blondes were roofing a house. One would pull out a nail and then hammer it into the roof. Then he would pull out another nail, look at it, then throw it over his shoulder. Blonde two eventually saw what blonde one was doing, watched him a while and then said, "Why do you keep throwing out every other nail?".
The first blonde replied, "Because their point is on the wrong end."
The second blonde then said, "You airhead, those nails are for the other side of the roof!"
The first blonde replied, "Because their point is on the wrong end."
The second blonde then said, "You airhead, those nails are for the other side of the roof!"
I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street - Joke
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
breath in, breath out - Joke
A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.
the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok".
after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out"
the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok".
after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out"
it must be bad because all the cars were leaving - Joke
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.
CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES - Joke
On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES."
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket - Joke
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.
He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.
When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer.
He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.
When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer.
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